Mad Dog Weekly - Doing It Doggy Style

Be sure to visit the Doggy Style Archives!

 

 

A Holiday for Every Occasion
by Mad Dog


It turns out Sibling Day occurred right before National Only Child Day - hey, we wouldn't want anyone to feel left out, now would we?
I completely missed Sibling Day. It went right past me but I swear it wasn't my fault. It wasn't marked on my calendar, in my planner, or mentioned on the morning's rerun of Real Housewives of Total Diva Kardashians. Neither did Google Assistant say anything about it when I asked, "What's my day like today?", which is really odd since you'd think she'd have been aware of it and have already sent an e-card, text message or selfie to her siblings Siri and Alexa. No, the way I found out about it was I logged on to Facebook and saw that everyone had posted a cute, adorable, awwww-inducing family photo for Sibling Day. Well, everyone except me. I'm hoping my brothers will speak to me again before the next Sibling Day rolls around.

Sibling Day is part of a new type of observation - the Facebook Holiday. There's a new one every day and no one would ever know or have even heard of any of them had they not checked Facebook. Constantly. All day. Every day. It turns out Sibling Day occurred right before National Only Child Day - hey, we wouldn't want anyone to feel left out, now would we? - which was immediately followed by National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day, National Ex-Spouse Day, National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day, and National Isn't That The Cutest Cat Wearing A Bumblebee Costume Video You Ever Saw No Come To Think Of It This One Is Day.



By the same token, if every day is a holiday, what makes today special? Okay, except that National Take Your Kids To Work And Pick Them Up At The End Of The Day Day only comes once a year. 

 Interestingly, these are all "National" observations. No global ones like International Dryer Lint Sculpture Day or even local ones like Don't Pay Any Attention To That Weird Guy On The Corner He's My Father And We're Used To It Day. You have to wonder if people outside the U.S. feel slighted. Somehow I suspect grateful would be a more appropriate term.

While the new Facebook Holidays have a certain cuteness/fun level - I mean, who doesn't get a kick out of posting photos of their only-child ex eating a grilled cheese sandwich while wearing his or her pj's? - it can be, well, overkill. Holidays used to be much simpler. And much more special. You know, like asparagus and strawberries. It was a wonderful, glorious day when produce came into season and showed up in the grocery store. You got excited and paid way too much for them but that was okay, they were strawberries! And asparagus! It's been half a year since we enjoyed them! Nowadays, heck, you can pay way too much for them any day, all year round. What's special about that? By the same token, if every day is a holiday, what makes today special? Okay, except that National Take Your Kids To Work And Pick Them Up At The End Of The Day Day only comes once a year. Now that is unfortunate. 


 If it appears on your calendar, especially if it's a printed one, it's definitely real. If no one mentions it on Facebook, it's probably real.
   In the good old days, which is loosely defined as the years before singing telegrams gave way to Instagram and liking something meant you actually liked it, there were special days to honor mothers, fathers, veterans, memorials, labor, and presidents who appear on our currency and wore their hair long. But then it started to change. Poor Abe and George got thrown under the Holiday Bus and had their birthdays combined into one Bigger! Better! Genericized! "President's Day," though at least it means we get a three-day weekend without anyone having to upload the first photo of a cute president to Snapchat. Meanwhile just because Facebook says it's National Donut Day everyone posts pics of their favorite Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' filled, or Froot Loops Maple Salmon Sugar Bomb from the local artisan doughnut shop which with luck maintains a product spelling both Merriam and Webster would be proud of.

The question is, how do you know if an observance is a real holiday? Simple. If it appears on your calendar, especially if it's a printed one, it's definitely real. If no one mentions it on Facebook, it's probably real. And if Hallmark doesn't make a card for it, you know it's a Facebook holiday. Except today, which is officially National Special Celebration Observance Day. No matter when you're reading this.
2017 Mad Dog Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
These columns appear in better newspapers across the country. Celebrate them every day.

 

(ALMOST) INSTANT NOTIFICATION
Enter your email address below to be notified whenever a new column is added to the Mad Dog Weekly!



Powered by FeedBlitz


  Skywriting at Night - a novel by Mad Dog

[Home] [Doggy Style Archives] [Blog]  [Novel] [Playground] [Plot-o-matic] [Porn-o-matic] [On The Road]
[Grand Highly Illuminated Xmas] [Who the hell is Mad Dog?] [Work Stuff]
[FREE Newsletter]  [ ] [Linkage] [Search]

1998 - 2017 Mad Dog Productions
All Rights reserved