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This
is Your Life,
Take Two
by Mad Dog
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This is what’s
commonly called a mid-life crisis, at least by those who wag their
fingers, cluck their tongues, and wish they had the nerve to do
it. |
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Everyone should reinvent
themselves at least once during their lifetime. Personally, I do it
every couple of years, which leads to my being accused of having a
career path only a three-legged dog could follow. Meanwhile Madonna
reinvents herself about as often yet for some reason she’s considered
a marketing genius. Maybe it’s the money, fame, and, uh—did I
mention money?—that rolls in each time she does it. Perhaps if I posed
for a CD cover looking like a sexy Che Guevara I’d pull in the big
bucks too. Hey, some days I’ll try anything.
People reinvent themselves for
different reasons. For some, it’s the sudden realization that
they’re not happy or fulfilled. This is what’s commonly called a
mid-life crisis, at least by those who wag their fingers, cluck their
tongues, and wish they had the nerve to do it. The reinventors, on the
other hand, prefer the term “finding themselves,” particularly when
they’re fondling crystals, listening to Yanni, and not in the mood to
admit that they’re flat out bored and need a change.
For some people, reinvention helps in
finding a job. Take President Bush. He started out as a privileged
Eastern prep school boy who graduated from Yale and Harvard, then
somehow metamorphosed into a good ole boy from Midland, Texas with
barely a hint of New Haven left in his cowboy twang. Face it, you just
don’t get elected as governor of Texas by appearing in a Phillips
Academy cardigan, even if you wear cowboy boots and a Stetson hat with
it.
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Comedians turn
into actors, actors become singers, and singers transform into
comedians. Most people, of course, don’t run through the entire cycle.
Well, unless they’re Eddie Murphy. |
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In other cases, reinvention is necessary to keep your job. Colin
Powell started his stint as Secretary of State as a moderate
peace-monger and ended up reinventing himself as his boss in order to
keep his weekly paycheck coming in. That’s the only reasonable answer
since it couldn’t have been that he needed the retirement benefits.
After all, I’m sure his military pension was already more than enough
to keep him in medal polish for the rest of his life.
Many people are forced to reinvent
themselves when they lose a job. Take former Governor of Arizona, Fife
Symington for example. He started out as a real estate developer, then
was elected governor. While in office he was convicted of bank fraud and
resigned an hour later. Even though the conviction was overturned and he
was pardoned, it was too late to get his job back so he reinvented
himself as a pastry chef at an Italian restaurant in Phoenix. It’s
true. Oddly, this is the exact same career path his high school guidance
counselor recommended years ago. There’s a lesson there somewhere. I
think.
You’d figure reinvention might have
to do with lack of success, but that just isn’t true. It seems as if
every day we hear about yet another screenwriter becoming a director, an
actor turning into a politician, and someone who can’t do any of the
above becoming a critic. It’s everywhere in Hollywood. Comedians turn
into actors, actors become singers, and singers transform into
comedians. Most people, of course, don’t run through the entire cycle.
Well, unless they’re Eddie Murphy who started out doing stand-up,
shifted into movies, then released the album Love’s Alright which
single-handedly made karaoke singers everywhere sound good while forcing
him back to where he belonged—comedy.
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Two men who met in an anger management class got into a
fight while working on a home improvement project. This is what’s
known as reinvention failure. |
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He’s
certainly not the first one in Hollywood who’s taken a wrong
reinvention turn, nor will he be the last. Film director Peter Jackson,
who’s currently directing the third installment of Lord of the
Rings, says he’ll follow it up by directing the film we’ve all
been waiting for—another remake of King Kong. This proves that
he’s officially reinvented himself. Where he was once a film director
from New Zealand, he’s now a full-fledged Hollywood director since
he’s espousing the Tinseltown mantra that “There can never be too
few original ideas or too many versions of King Kong.”
Reinvention isn’t easy. People put
a lot of effort into it. That’s why self-help books, diet aids, and
make-overs on Oprah Winfrey are big business. Not to mention the
proliferation of 12-step programs for every problem from drinking to
working too much, and you know that if anyone is going to put in the
effort necessary to successfully complete one of these programs it’s
going to be a workaholic. While these programs are good for many people,
sometimes it just doesn’t take. Not long ago in Fremont, California
two men who met in an anger management class got into a fight while
working on a home-improvement project and ended up with a dismembered
pet chicken, a trashed trailer, and a trip downtown to be booked for
assault. This is what’s known as reinvention failure.
You don’t have to wait for middle
age or be in the midst of a crisis to reinvent yourself. In fact, it’s
a lot more fun when you’re neither. And keep in mind that if your
reinvention doesn’t work out, you can always reinvent yourself again.
Just don’t decide that we need yet another remake of King Kong,
okay?
©2003 Mad Dog
Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
These columns appear in better newspapers across the country.
Read them, especially the Reinventions Wanted ads.
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