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Those
Who Cannot Remember the Past are
Condemned to Use Technology to Repeat it
by Mad Dog
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That’s why
it’s nice to hear that there are people who are working to use the
Internet in more innovative ways, like the enterprising youths in Texas
who recently used a chat room to set up a gang fight. |
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One of the sad things
about technology is that it always sinks to the lowest common
denominator. Like poets, mimes, and failed presidential candidates, it
starts with lofty intentions but before you can say “You’ve been
Punk’d” it’s wallowing in the gutter. Take television. In the
beginning it was radio with pictures. Literally. They stuck a camera in
front of entertainers doing their radio shows, meaning that instead of
just listening to the program, people could now sit at home and comment
about how no one looked the way they sounded. It took a while for people
to start figuring out that television was a completely different medium
and that they needed to make good use of this new technology by being
innovative and creative, which led to shows such as The Simple Life,
The Littlest Groom, and Family Affair, a program which was
so innovative it had to be made a second time. See what I mean about
gutters?
The same thing happened with the
Internet. When it started out it was simply text on a screen because,
well, that’s all it was capable of displaying. Then the World Wide Web
was invented and suddenly people could use graphics, create animations,
and put cameras inside refrigerators so people with more time than
ambition could watch mold growing on salsa left over from last year’s
Super Bowl. Then business discovered the technology, taking the
innovative step of turning it into printed brochures viewed on a
monitor. Now we’ve progressed to the point where we can read the
newspaper, listen to music, order merchandise, and watch videos on the
computer. Same junk, expensive new high-tech delivery system.
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Meanwhile in
England it turns out a lot of people are using modern technology to
perform tasks that are as old as mankind itself. Things like sending
love letters, breaking up with a loved one, and quitting a job. |
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That’s why it’s nice to hear that there are people who are
working to use the Internet in more innovative ways. Take the
enterprising youths in Garland, TX who recently used the Internet to set
up a gang fight. It began when they traded insults in a chat room,
proving that not everyone is there to flirt with 65-year-old men
masquerading as 16-year-old virgins named Briana. When they got bored
with typing the same three curse words over and over without the benefit
of a spellchecker, they decided to fight. They set the time and place
online, almost calling it off when they realized they had to log off in
order to go fight in person. Had they been truly innovative they would
have had a virtual fight online at www.upside-your-head.com. No one
would have been hurt, 27 students wouldn’t have to go through the rest
of their lives with a police record hanging over their heads, and best
of all, they’d be helping their hand-eye coordination.
Meanwhile in England it turns out a
lot of people are using modern technology to perform tasks that are as
old as mankind itself. You know, things like sending love letters,
breaking up with a loved one, and quitting a job. Originally done face
to face — or face2face if you want to get modern about it — these
tasks became more virtual with the advent of paper, pencils, and BIC
pens. As technology moved forward people became even less personal,
breaking up by telephone, fax, and voicemail. Trust me, nothing says a
relationship’s over like getting a fax informing you that your
erstwhile significant other has changed their phone number, the clothes
you left in the closet are sitting on the sidewalk so you’d better
hurry if you don’t want to walk down the street and see a homeless
person wearing your favorite shirt, and by the way, there’s a
restraining order taped to your toothbrush.
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Luckily there are still some things that are sacred. You
know, things that just don’t lend themselves to text messaging. Like
divorce. |
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But this being the New Millennium, anyone who’s even remotely
hip knows that faxes and
voicemail are oh-so-‘90s. That’s why people have turned to telephone
text messaging. A recent survey in England found that 31 percent of
adults have used text messaging to send a love letter, nine percent have
used it to break off a relationship, and two percent have actually quit
their jobs that way. It’s a shame text messaging isn’t more widely
available in the U.S. or those Texas gangs could have used it, leaving
the chat rooms to people who think they have better uses for it.
Luckily there are still some things
that are sacred. You know, things that just don’t lend themselves to
text messaging. Like divorce. For that you still need to go online.
That’s right, you can now go online and file for divorce at sites like
CompleteCase.com and LegalZoom.com. And why not? If you can meet, fall
in love, and break-up online, why not complete the cycle and divorce
that way too? Just don’t forget to retain joint custody of the family
Web site.
Eventually someone will figure out
uses for the Internet and text messaging that are completely
revolutionary, but until then they’ll remain virtual televisions,
newspapers, telephones, and graffiti-covered walls. But you don’t have
to sit around and wait for that day. In the meantime you can go online
and listen to the radio. Without pictures. Now that’s progress.
©2004 Mad Dog
Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
These columns appear in better newspapers across the country. For
a change of pace, read them online.
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