One Person, One Vote, One Dollar
by Mad Dog

   This raises a question that’s on most peoples’ minds: If I have to sit through a primary campaign that’s been going on since the day after the last presidential inauguration and then muster up the strength to go to the polls, just how much is my vote worth anyway? And a good question it is. After all, we’re Americans, we like to put a value on everything. To say a vote is an investment in your future only leads to a discussion about how long you need to remain a citizen before your vote becomes fully vested, and whether you can roll over your vote should you leave your current country for a better opportunity. To say your vote is worth one one-hundred-twenty-millionth of the presidency — since that’s how many people voted in the last election — doesn’t mean much either, especially when you consider that the president gets paid $400,000 a year, meaning over a four-year term in office one vote is worth all of about a penny.

   According to the school’s student newspaper, the Washington Square News (motto: “All the news our advisors think will fit”), a journalism class at the university polled students to find out how much they thought their vote was worth. Sixty-six percent said they’d give up their vote in exchange for a free year in school. Since it costs about $49,190 per year to go to NYU, that’s a pretty good value for your vote. Twenty percent of the students are easy, saying they’d give up their vote for an iPod Touch, which only costs about $400. Asked if they’d give up their right to vote forever in exchange for $1 million, half said yes. Talk about an indecent proposal. Interestingly, 90 percent of those who said they'd give up their vote for life also said they think voting is "very important" or "somewhat important." Apparently not as important as money, though.

   Now that we know what a vote is worth to a voter, what about the other side of the equation, What’s a vote worth to a candidate? In the last presidential race, George Bush and John Kerry spent about $1.2 billion campaigning. Since 122,294,978 people voted, that means the candidates spent $9.81 per vote. Considering that this time around they’ve already raised more money than the GNP of at least 56 countries, and the Center for Responsive Politics estimates they’ll wind up spending 30 percent more than they did four years ago, I’d say our vote is worth quite a bit more than ten bucks now.

   Think about it. It would be cheaper for them since most of us would give them a discount. It would be a good deal for us since now all we do is give money and don’t get any of it back, a worse investment than handing out subprime mortgages. Finally, it would reduce the candidates’ carbon footprint because they wouldn’t need to manufacture so much “stuff” and fill the air with globally-warming hot campaign air, they could just sit back and sign the checks. Sure the tchotchke industry would suffer, but on the other hand the TV networks would get a boost in ratings because people would stop changing the channel every time another campaign ad appeared. As in every sixty seconds.

   It’s as if like the candidates don’t have the money to do this. After all, they’ve already raised about $420 million and this is only the primary. Texas Representative Ron Paul, who’s half far right-wing conservative and half libertarian — meaning he meets himself on the radical side of everything — set a record by raising $4.5 million in one day, mostly online. That’s enough to buy 35 million bumper stickers, 13,500 TV commercials, or pay each person in Iowa who’s going to raise their hand at a caucus $45. I know which sounds like the best bet to me.

©2007 Mad Dog Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
These columns appear in better newspapers across the country. Read them while waiting for your vote check to arrive.