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All
Work and No Play Makes Jack a 2.0
by Mad Dog
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I have been
known to put conch shells to my ear to check for voicemail, but that’s
only if I’m expecting a call. But take a wireless email gadget with
me? No thanks. I’d rather troll for crabs naked. |
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The line between work and
the rest of our life is blurring more every day. Thanks to cell phones,
laptop computers, email, and instant messaging we can be available
anytime, anywhere. I’m sure at this very moment there are people in a
lab somewhere working diligently on a waterproof cell phone that can go
into the shower so we won’t ever have to worry about missing a call
again. Hopefully they’ll design it with a carrying cord rather than a
clip. Well, except the S&M version, which could have both.
It’s gotten so bad that Blackberry,
a mobile wireless email device created by the devil so you never have a
moment of peace and quiet, is running ads with a huge headline telling
you to “Blur the line between ‘The Office’ and ‘The Beach’.”
What a great idea! It even shows a businessman lying on the sand. In a
suit. And I don’t mean a bathing suit. Hey, if I want to be contacted
by the office while I’m at the beach I’ll pick up the bottles I find
along the shore to see if there’s a message inside for me. True, I
have been known to put conch shells to my ear to check for voicemail,
but that’s only if I’m expecting a call. But take a wireless email
gadget with me? No thanks. I’d rather troll for crabs naked.
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This isn’t just
a problem here in the United States. A survey in England found that
nearly two-thirds of the workers there have confused their office with
their bedroom and have had an on-the-job romance. |
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As a
freelance writer my time gets jumbled enough as it is. I don’t have
set hours so there’s no clean delineation between work time and play
time. I’m tempted to say that if I’m not working it’s play time,
but that doesn’t quite cut it since it would mean that staring blankly
out the window hoping the new cloud that just appeared in the sky will
be the inspiration I need to, oh say, finish this column would be
considered play time, and that’s not fair because if that were the
case then I’d be accused of hardly working. As if I don’t hear that
enough from editors as it is. But I know when to shut off the work and
not answer business calls. Okay, so what if it’s usually an hour after
a deadline has passed and I haven’t seen that inspirational cloud
float by yet, the important thing is I know when to do it, right?
The
problem is that work has become too much of a focal point in our lives.
A recent survey of college freshmen found that 74% of them think it’s
important or essential to be “very well off financially.” Meanwhile,
only 40% think it’s important to “develop a meaningful philosophy of
life.” Since this adds up to more than 100%, apparently a lot of
college freshmen need to either take remedial math or increase their
meds so only one of their personalities takes any given survey. This is
a radical change from 1967 when there weren’t as many meds available
so you had to self-medicate. Just kidding. Actually it’s a radical
change because back then 86% of the freshmen thought having a philosophy
of life was important while only 41% thought money was critical, though
they only thought so because it would allow them to buy plenty of
self-medicating drugs.
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A father,
who is a self-proclaimed geek, decided that tacking Jr. on the end of
his newborn son’s name was way too 20th century, so he convinced his
wife to name their child Jon Blake Cusack 2.0. Seriously. |
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If students
think money is that important then they’re going to work as much as
necessary to get it, and in the process further blur the line between
work and real life. This isn’t just a problem here in the United
States. A survey in England found that nearly two-thirds of the workers
there have confused their office with their bedroom and have had an
on-the-job romance. Thirty percent of them said they’ve had intimate
physical encounters at work, with the most often cited locations being
the stairwell and the elevator. It makes sense. After all, you never
know when you’ll have to make a quick exit while making a quick
entrance.
This
gives new meaning to the concept of career fulfillment. It also shows
that people are having an increasingly difficult time differentiating
between work and the rest of their life, something a baby in Holland, MI
(city motto: “All the tulips, none of the drugs or sex”) is fated to
experience for the rest of his life. It seems that his father, who is a
self-proclaimed geek, decided that tacking Jr. on the end of his newborn
son’s name was way too 20th century, so he convinced his wife to name
their child Jon Blake Cusack 2.0. Seriously. Boy, are they ever going to
be surprised when he hits his Terrible Twos and they can’t upgrade him
to version 2.1. They’re also going to be surprised to find out what
happens when the other kids hear about it. Not to mention the actor with
a similar name. Face it, this poor kid is in for a life of getting beat
up and sued.
With luck he’ll end up having Alex
Keaton Syndrome, where the child swings in the opposite direction from
the parents. He’ll dump the 2.0 and change his name to Starshine
—just Starshine, sell phones instead using a cell phone, and the only
blackberry he’ll be interested in is the jam that goes on his English
muffin. He’ll understand that work exists in his life so he has the
money and time to play. And he’ll be a great disappointment to his
parents. But he won’t know it, since he’ll be at the beach. And
unreachable. One can hope, can’t they?
©2004 Mad Dog
Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
These columns appear in better newspapers across the country.
Read them while at work or play.
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