That's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
by Mad Dog
The question is,
how is it that I can consistently buy a couple of lottery tickets and
not match a single number, yet for the life of me I canít make a match
and win a lousy dollar?
||There are 7.3 million
millionaires in the world. To put that in perspective, if they were to
lay down head to toe starting in Los Angeles heading east, over 5
million of them would fall into the Atlantic Ocean and drown, meaning
with luck I could skim the surface with a fishing net and make off with
some of their money. Hey, fishingís a time-honored, respectable
Itís strange to think that one of
every 863 people walking around is a millionaire. Okay, maybe most
millionaires donít walk, but we can pretend, canít we? I think
itís safe to say that Iíve known at least 863 people in my lifetime
and, to the best of my knowledge, not a single one of them is a
millionaire. I donít know what the odds are of this, but it seems
closely related to the phenomenal anti-luck I have. Take the lottery,
for example. In California the odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 14
million. According to Mike Orkin, author of Can You Win? The Real
Odds for Casino Gambling, Sports Betting and Lotteries, youíre
three times as likely to be killed in a car accident if you drive ten
miles to buy that ticket than you are of hitting the jackpot with it. If
thatís not an argument for getting plenty of exercise, I donít know
Heíll be handed
more than $12 million a yearówhich comes to $1,071,428 a month or
$35,225 a dayójust for wearing shoes.
|| The question
is, how is it that I can consistently buy a couple of lottery tickets
and not match a single number, yet for the life of me I canít make a
match and win a lousy dollar? It seems to me the odds are just about as
high for losing big as winning big. My brother once told me he could
calculate this for me but unfortunately I mistook a ďcĒ for a
ďwĒ and am still waiting. Not that it will help my chances, but some
days itís nice to remind ourselves weíre good at something, even if
it is being a loser.
number of millionaires is growing. Last year the ranks swelled by 2.1
percent. This year the club will welcome at least one new member, and he
didnít have to buy a lottery ticket to join. Itís LeBron James, the
18 year-old high school basketball player who, without even being signed
to a team better yet having played in a pro game, picked up a seven-year
endorsement deal with Nike for a whopping $90 million. Thatís right,
heíll be handed more than $12 million a yearówhich comes to
$1,071,428 a month or $35,225 a dayójust for wearing shoes. You know,
those things you have on your feet right now, except you had to pay for
Iíd like to meet some of these
millionaires just to find out what theyíre really like, but apparently
I hang out in the wrong places. Millionaires, like sea slugs, prefer to
spend time with their own kind. And they do it in their own places. You
know, places like country clubs, investment seminars, and Tiffanyís.
Strange, but I donít seem to bump into them at dingy rock clubs, time
share presentations which donít come anywhere near making the free
weekend stay worth while, or the Dollar Store.
Bush hopes to raise $175 million, which means heís going
to have to give about 21 hoursí worth of speeches. Thatís a lot of
words to potentially stumble over.
|| One place you
do find them is at presidential campaign fundraisers. These are
gatherings in which people with too much money hand over large sums of
it so for the rest of their lives they can tell people they had dinner
with the President. Hey, if they sat across from him and shared a Grand
Slam Breakfast in Dennyís Iíd be impressed. And curious about which
one George W. ordered. My guess is it would be the All-American Slam. Or
possibly the Grand Slam Slugger. Something tells me it wouldnít be the
French Slam. I mean, the Freedom Slam.
the 2000 presidential primary, Bush raked in about $100 million through
political fundraisers, which is more than any candidate had ever raised.
This time around heís trying to break that record and may just do it,
considering that the other night at a dinner in New York City he took in
$4 million and all he had to do was give a 29-minute speech. That comes
to almost $138,000 per minute, which is a close second to what LeBron
James will probably earn playing basketball. Not counting his
shoe-wearing allowance, of course.
Bush hopes to raise $175 million,
which means heís going to have to give about 21 hoursí worth of
speeches. Thatís a lot of words to potentially stumble over. But
heís going to have to give it his best since his campaign staff plans
to spend $426,640 a day between now and November 2004 trying to get him
re-elected. Thatís a lot of money, especially when you consider that
just one dayís expenditure could buy 12 days of endorsement from
LeBron James, a three-minute speech by Bush, or 426,640 lottery tickets.
I wonder what the odds are that out of all of those I wouldnít match a
©2003 Mad Dog
Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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Read them while making your first million.